i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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