Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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