did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
