she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
