My room smells like vodka and shame
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
