wrigley field is MILF paradise
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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