theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
