Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
