well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
