I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize