I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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