What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
