i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
