Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
