peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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