names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
