He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize