i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
