Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
