Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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