i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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