her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
