What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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