FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
