I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
