I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I want her autograph on my taint
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
