No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
