i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
