My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i drank out of a bidet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
