Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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