You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize