I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
