you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
