don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
