so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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