in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Quick, to the slutcave!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
