i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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