i permit you to call me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
