So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
