I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
