I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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