Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We have started to decorate penises.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
