I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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