Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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