you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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