i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
