..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
