lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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