The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
