I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize