The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
