I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
