So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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