saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Holy shit dude........stairs
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