Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
