so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
