There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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