I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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