I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
