Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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