You smell like a Billy Joel song
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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