i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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