I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My dick has a subreddit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
