Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
