This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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