just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
