; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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