You can't motorboat a personality
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
