i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
