I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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