ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
