This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
