You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This is the high leading the old right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
