as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
