I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
