Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize