thus making me awesome and them whores
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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