are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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