I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
