No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i drank out of a bidet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
