Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
