My nipple is on Facebook.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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