just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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