I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
