its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
