Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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