yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
