Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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