i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
