put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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