I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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